F*** Around and Find Out

Loyalty isn't old-fashioned. It's the foundation of trust, integrity, and meaningful relationships in a world that often forgets the cost of betrayal.

Issue #36:

Good day and welcome back to The Zen Journal. Today our reading focuses on something essential, something foundational. Not just to character, but to civilization itself: “A grown-up is loyal”.

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Loyalty isn’t flashy.

It doesn’t shout for attention or chase applause. But it’s one of the clearest signs of maturity.

Loyalty means standing by our partners, families, friends, and commitments. Not just when it’s easy, but when it’s inconvenient, unglamorous, or hard.

The U.S. Marine Corps says it in a short and sweet manner in its motto: Semper Fidelis. Meaning always faithful.

That commitment to integrity and duty, doesn’t need to belong to a military life to have power. It belongs in the day-to-day realities of adult life.

Think about your marriage or relationship. Loyalty means more than just not cheating (though that's obviously part of it). It means choosing your partner again and again, especially during those mundane Tuesday nights when romance feels more like a distant memory than a living reality.

If we’re employed, we work hard, we show up, stay present, and give our best. Not because someone’s watching, but because doing a job well is a reward in itself.

Being a grown-up means being loyal to our people. Our spouse, our children, our parents and grandparents, our community, our country, and yes, even to our employer and employees.

And if, for any reason, we come to a point where we can no longer support a person or institution, then we owe it to them (and to ourselves) to be clear, honest, and direct. Be direct. Have the tough conversation. Exit with integrity. No sneaking around, no taking while giving nothing back.

Now, there is certainly a moral argument to be made about loyalty, especially within romantic partnerships. But today’s discussion isn’t that, it’s a practical one.

That’s why I’m talking about it here instead of in a deeper section on love or intimacy. Because from a practical standpoint? Infidelity brings consequences.

Ask any soldier stationed far from home with a town full of temptations just beyond the gate. The old-timers have a saying:

“The screwing you get isn’t worth the screwing you’re going to get.”

Wise words.

Real loyalty, the kind that holds firm when tested, saves people a lot of pain. And it doesn’t just apply to sex or relationships. It applies to all the choices we make when we think we can act without consequences.

This is where the Buddhist concept of Right View becomes relevant. Right View calls on us to pause and reflect: What really matters in this situation? What are the long-term consequences, not just for me, but for others? Am I making decisions out of impulse and self-interest, or are am I grounded in values and guided by a higher standard?

Because if we’re just sprinting from one short-term win to the next, cutting corners, taking advantage of people, and ignoring the cost our actions impose on others, we might eventually win a few rounds, sure. But the price? It’s coming.

Now, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s no karma. No God. No cosmic balance sheet. Maybe the universe is just chaos, and morality is for suckers. Maybe good behavior really is just a story we tell kids to make them behave.

But I don’t think so.

Across time and tradition, nearly every moral system, religious, spiritual, or philosophical, contains some version of this core truth: You reap what you sow.

What goes around comes around. Whether it’s called karma, the Golden Rule, or the law of consequences, the message is consistent.

Still, there are always people, plenty of them, who believe they’re special. That the rules don’t apply to them. That they can do what they want and walk away clean.

Maybe. But experience tells a different story. Eventually, reality catches up. Eventually, the check comes.

So be loyal. To your people. To your promises. To your principles. Not because it's easy or glamorous, but because it's the foundation everything else is built on.

I look forward to continuing this journey with you. Please feel free to share your thoughts, reflections, or questions as I dive deeper into these teachings.

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