My Way Or The Highway

Why the 'me...me...me...' mindset causes resentment, anger, fear and much more.

Issue #21:

Good day and welcome back to The Zen Journal. Today’s reflection is a little bit about the “me, me, me” mindset and how it can hold us back. I hope the year has been kind to you so far, and I wish you continued growth and peace in the months ahead.

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Resentment comes from not getting our way yesterday, anger comes from not getting our way today, and fear comes from worrying that we won’t get our way tomorrow.

The common denominator in all these three states of distress is our fixation on "my way." When we place ourselves at the center of the universe, we create our own suffering.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true. When we get too focused on our own way of doing things, we miss out on the bigger picture.

And, the antidote to this ‘me..me…me…’ mindset?

Once again, like I’ve been stating over the last few posts, it’s humility. It’s the practice of putting others before ourselves.

The reality is, we’re not the center of the universe, and other people have problems too. Maybe it’s time we give them a hand rather than expecting everything to revolve around us.

Selfish desires are part of human nature, and they’re nothing new.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna that there are two main reasons we get caught up: selfish desires and anger¹.

Thousands of years later, these same human tendencies continue to challenge us. When we focus too much on what we want or how things should go and get attached to it, it can make us resentful, fearful, and unhappy.

What happens when we focus on the past(resentment) or the future(fear)? We get stuck.

We miss out on the present and keep making mistakes. And guess what? Those mistakes just lead to more resentment and fear about the consequences.

It’s a vicious cycle.

The Double Edged Sword of Humilty

The tricky part about humility is that sometimes we rationalize our actions. We think, “I’m only doing this to help you” or “I’m telling you this because I care.”

But sometimes, that’s just our way of justifying our own desires. We might think we’re right, but it’s important to remember that we’re not the center of everything.

Humility doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s not because we’re selfish or ill-willed; it’s just that we tend to think our way is the best way. And we often act as though everyone else should just get on board.

The truth is, though, when we live in the past (with resentment) or the future (with fear), we miss out on the only thing we have control over: the present moment.

The Present Moment

You’ve heard the saying, “Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.” It’s a bit corny, but it’s true. If we’re not living in the present, we’re not really living at all.

How we do anything is how we do everything.

If we don’t take the time to live fully today, it’ll spill over into the future in ways we might not even realize.

So, let’s make the most of today, no matter what. Even if life feels tough, there’s always something good to look for. If we focus on the good, we’ll find it. If we focus on the bad, well, we’ll find that too.

Life’s all about perspective.

I look forward to continuing this journey with you. Please feel free to share your thoughts, reflections, or questions as I dive deeper into these teachings.

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1. (Bhagavad Gita 3.37):

śhrī-bhagavān uvācha
kāma eṣha krodha eṣha rajoguṇa-samudbhavaḥ
mahāśhano mahā-pāpmā viddhy enam iha vairiṇam

Translation:

The Blessed Lord said:
It is desire, it is anger, born of the mode of passion, all-devouring and extremely sinful. Know this as the enemy here in this world.

Krishna is emphasizing that these two, kāma (desire) and krodha (anger), are the major obstacles on the path of self-realization and duty. They cloud judgment, lead to delusion, and ultimately bind a person to the cycle of birth and death.