Great piece again, Urban Monk. I enjoyed your example from Ajahn Chah—I follow the Thai forest tradition of Luangpor Teean, called Mahasati Insight Meditation. I’m grateful that you use so many traditions in your writing, there is wisdom in all and it creates a depth and welcoming to your work.
I needed this today as I keep waking in the middle of the night with deep existential dread, despite all of my practice and study.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Heather. I have great respect for Luangpor Teean.
I intentionally draw from many traditions in my writing in order to speak to open-minded practitioners like yourself. There is so much depth and common truth across these lineages.
It sounds like you're getting shamed for being Buddhist. It's a good thing it doesn't matter, right? I find either a) being quiet or b) avoiding humans that can't hold paradoxes in the mind is quite helpful in my practice. Appreciate your content.
Thank you so much for reading Sarah. I'm not getting shamed for being Buddhist nor am I buddhist. I don't follow any particular tradition, although it may seem like it. I'm just exploring like many of us :)
Amen to this. Respectful dialogue has become a lost art and you expound upon why and how we lose out because this is the case. We grow and evolve through conversation, and are meant to. Love your writing with its wisdom! Thank you!
Thank you for reading and engaging as always Stephanie! Indeed, learning is a continuous journey. And being open to other people's POV without judgement helps us learn quicker.
Very refreshing! I wish more people understood this. A couple of times you mentioned that being close-minded to the truth because it doesn't satisfy our emotional needs or ego is "not necessarily" helpful...I would say it's not helpful at all. To anyone. When we do this, we prevent growth both in ourselves and in the people who come across our path. It's certainly not helpful for building any kind of civil society! What would it be like for people to actually engage in dialogue with no preconceived agenda, no automatic response, no wish to ostracize or vilianize the other person if they don't agree with us, no wish to excise opposing beliefs like they're a cancer to our soul...I'm not sure why or when we became so defensive and defective in basic discourse. How freeing and enlightening it would be if we could not only recognize differences in beliefs, but also embrace them for offering a chance to learn something new, understanding another person more, or possibly changing our viewpoint if there is actually a better way. We can still hold true to our beliefs...I'm not saying we should be an open sieve. But we can and should be willing to listen.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm really glad the piece resonated with you. You beautifully captured the essence of what respectful, ego-free dialogue could look like.
That kind of openness (not to be confused with blind acceptance) is something I think we should all aim for. The idea that we can listen without losing ourselves, disagree without dehumanizing, and grow without defensiveness... it's powerful, and increasingly rare.
I am so grateful for the time I spent working a 12 step program. "Smashing the Ego", was a common phrase heard during shares. I value humility over boastfulness any day. I'm drawn to humble people. I've learned to not so much as judge someone for not thinking like I do but see them with compassion and therefore be all inclusive with others' thoughts, I don't have to agree with them and I know that their thinking is not my responsibility to change or criticize. It free's me.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Yup, that kind of deep inner work that not only transforms how we see ourselves but also our entire world. I'm grateful you took the time to comment :)
"If we can't agree to disagree without demonizing each other, then we’ve missed the point of real dialogue"
I really can't agree more! Most of my life I ran on pure emotions...I come from a long line of people who do the same thing!! I never understood that emotions are not meant to be used that way!! Making decisions based on emotions never end well...if it does then its a fluke...It wasn't until I met my current husband back in 2013 that I was exposed to an entirely new way of thinking...that I understood for the first time in my entire life that emotions are a tool not a life boat...and that just because I feel something doesn't make it true...I really love this peice you wrote!! I think it really gets to the heart of something so many people struggle with and dont understand fully!!!
"Most of the time, we don’t really want facts, we want a feeling."
This is the art of Trump. This is what he understands and is a master at manipulating. He knows that anger is the most powerful emotion so he seeks to generate it, escalate it, and channel it to his benefit. Meanwhile, an incredulous left is pumping his followers with fact checks.
Great piece again, Urban Monk. I enjoyed your example from Ajahn Chah—I follow the Thai forest tradition of Luangpor Teean, called Mahasati Insight Meditation. I’m grateful that you use so many traditions in your writing, there is wisdom in all and it creates a depth and welcoming to your work.
I needed this today as I keep waking in the middle of the night with deep existential dread, despite all of my practice and study.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Heather. I have great respect for Luangpor Teean.
I intentionally draw from many traditions in my writing in order to speak to open-minded practitioners like yourself. There is so much depth and common truth across these lineages.
It sounds like you're getting shamed for being Buddhist. It's a good thing it doesn't matter, right? I find either a) being quiet or b) avoiding humans that can't hold paradoxes in the mind is quite helpful in my practice. Appreciate your content.
Thank you so much for reading Sarah. I'm not getting shamed for being Buddhist nor am I buddhist. I don't follow any particular tradition, although it may seem like it. I'm just exploring like many of us :)
Amen to this. Respectful dialogue has become a lost art and you expound upon why and how we lose out because this is the case. We grow and evolve through conversation, and are meant to. Love your writing with its wisdom! Thank you!
Thank you for reading and engaging as always Stephanie! Indeed, learning is a continuous journey. And being open to other people's POV without judgement helps us learn quicker.
Very refreshing! I wish more people understood this. A couple of times you mentioned that being close-minded to the truth because it doesn't satisfy our emotional needs or ego is "not necessarily" helpful...I would say it's not helpful at all. To anyone. When we do this, we prevent growth both in ourselves and in the people who come across our path. It's certainly not helpful for building any kind of civil society! What would it be like for people to actually engage in dialogue with no preconceived agenda, no automatic response, no wish to ostracize or vilianize the other person if they don't agree with us, no wish to excise opposing beliefs like they're a cancer to our soul...I'm not sure why or when we became so defensive and defective in basic discourse. How freeing and enlightening it would be if we could not only recognize differences in beliefs, but also embrace them for offering a chance to learn something new, understanding another person more, or possibly changing our viewpoint if there is actually a better way. We can still hold true to our beliefs...I'm not saying we should be an open sieve. But we can and should be willing to listen.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm really glad the piece resonated with you. You beautifully captured the essence of what respectful, ego-free dialogue could look like.
That kind of openness (not to be confused with blind acceptance) is something I think we should all aim for. The idea that we can listen without losing ourselves, disagree without dehumanizing, and grow without defensiveness... it's powerful, and increasingly rare.
Ajahn Chah always had such a kind, compassionate, and often humorous way of getting people to reflect.
Indeed. Thank you so much for reading and commenting :)
I am so grateful for the time I spent working a 12 step program. "Smashing the Ego", was a common phrase heard during shares. I value humility over boastfulness any day. I'm drawn to humble people. I've learned to not so much as judge someone for not thinking like I do but see them with compassion and therefore be all inclusive with others' thoughts, I don't have to agree with them and I know that their thinking is not my responsibility to change or criticize. It free's me.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Yup, that kind of deep inner work that not only transforms how we see ourselves but also our entire world. I'm grateful you took the time to comment :)
"If we can't agree to disagree without demonizing each other, then we’ve missed the point of real dialogue"
I really can't agree more! Most of my life I ran on pure emotions...I come from a long line of people who do the same thing!! I never understood that emotions are not meant to be used that way!! Making decisions based on emotions never end well...if it does then its a fluke...It wasn't until I met my current husband back in 2013 that I was exposed to an entirely new way of thinking...that I understood for the first time in my entire life that emotions are a tool not a life boat...and that just because I feel something doesn't make it true...I really love this peice you wrote!! I think it really gets to the heart of something so many people struggle with and dont understand fully!!!
Thank you so much for reading and also for sharing your own experience, Tara.
Indeed, it’s amazing how transformative it can be when we start to see emotions as tools rather than absolute truths.
"Most of the time, we don’t really want facts, we want a feeling."
This is the art of Trump. This is what he understands and is a master at manipulating. He knows that anger is the most powerful emotion so he seeks to generate it, escalate it, and channel it to his benefit. Meanwhile, an incredulous left is pumping his followers with fact checks.
Thank you so much Richard for reading and engaging.
Indeed, emotion often drives more than reason, and anger can be especially seductive.
In practice, we’re taught not so much to point fingers outward, but to turn the light inward.
What emotions are being stirred in us? How are we moved, caught, or reactive?
Real transformation begins there. Not in blame, but in awareness.